The house is quieter – that’s what you notice first. You mark time by their phone calls, texts and e-mails, reading between the lines or the silences for indications that they’re okay – not too homesick, just enough to let you know they miss you too. They’re finding their way around campus, liking – or at least reserving judgment about – the roommate, the dorm, the food, the classes, the teachers, the expectations.
Or maybe they’re not. Just because they’re complaining, whining or overreacting doesn’t mean they’re not adjusting to college – venting all their discontents, big and little, is part of the process, especially during the first semester. All teenagers vent their worries, complaints and frustrations on their parents. But when they do it from a distance, in a place you and they expected to be the culmination of their dreams, it’s difficult for both of you to keep things in perspective.
They need to unload and you’re the one who’s always been there to sympathize – it’s still part of your job description. Handle it by reaffirming, mirroring and empathizing with their feelings rather than engage them on the specific issue. . Don’t minimize their concerns but don’t overreact, either. Maintain your perspective; you may not be getting the whole story. Let them vent without cutting them off. When they’re finished, offer support and reassurance .Unless they actively request help, don’t problem-solve with or for them. And accept that you won’t always give just the right response at the right time and that eventually they’ll forgive you for it.
Great post! STICK WITH IT!
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